It's Absolutely Terrifying: Heartbreak
by Footinmouthed
Summary: Gwen Stacy's sure this is as much as she can take. Peter? Not so much.
1. Gwen

**Unfortunately, I claim nothing in Spiderman except for a small role as a fangirl.**

He is mad.

He is absolutely over-the-top about to rip his hair out of his head mad.

And she can see it, too, so she decides to keep her mouth shut.

Gwen Stacy stares at the pacing Spiderman and she can tell that behind his mask he's probably biting his lips in an obvious sign of confusion and frustration.

She's biting her lip, too.

She can't help but smile at her position: pinned against the wall with his webbing, looking utterly flustered. It doesn't help that he's looking extremely adorable when he's pacing and muttering to himself like that.

She stops smiling when she sees the face turn towards her.

"You," he starts off, then stops. "You… you're crazy!"

Clearly he doesn't know how to go from there so she tries to give him a helping hand.

"I, erm." She's not much more eloquent, apparently. She bites her lip to stop herself from smiling, then continues. "I'm sorry?"

He stops for one incredulous second, and then lets out a strangled yell. _"Gwen!"_

She watches, not completely listening, as he rants, his arms moving in a flurry of emotion and his shoulders tense. Her eyes trail up to see the mask, stretching and contracting with each word he speaks. She's imagining his lips again.

She mentally scolds herself.

It's been so long – _too long – _since she last had a proper conversation with him, talked to him, kissed him, touched his beautiful, beautiful brown hair and seen his amazing smile.

She's imagining him without his mask, imagining his dark eyes and falls into a trance. She quickly notices it doesn't help when the real Peter Parker is waiting for an answer.

"Um, yes?"

"_Yes?_ I ask if you want to get killed and you say _'yes'_?"

"No?" At his glare, she gives a more definitive answer. "No."

He continues his rant and Gwen decides she's getting tired because it takes a certain effort to be in this awkward starfish-like position. She cuts him off.

"Peter. It was a complete coincidence – " She ignores his unbelieving splutter and continues. "It was a _coincidence_ that I got caught up in all of this action. Besides, I was surrounded by a million other New-Yorkers. What was the chance the Green Goblin would get me instead of them? Not much."

She knows she's struck a nerve because she knows she's more important to him than everyone else in that terrified mass today.

She doesn't give him time to respond because it's the first time in a good twenty minutes that she's had the opportunity to talk. "I swear it won't happen again. So, if you could just help me out of your webbing, I'll be on my way."

He doesn't know how to respond so he lets her go and she shoots him a smug smirk before sauntering home, feeling particularly victorious.

What maintains her smile throughout her walk home, though, is that she can tell by the tell tale swish of air that Spiderman is watching her until she was safely in her apartment.

_Overall_, she surmises, _today is quite a good day._

* * *

She's practically floating to school the next day and she lingers by her locker a bit longer to get a glimpse of Peter Parker. They've progressed so much – _so much – _that she's determined to take it further. She's sure she can make him crack some time or the other.

It's thoughts like this that leave a funny taste in her mouth, though. It almost feels as though she's betraying her father's dying wish and that Peter is doing the right thing. She doesn't dwell on it because she doesn't know if brushing herself off as the guilty party might lead on to other consequences.

She's realized she's still staring at her locker blankly and rushes off to class when the bell rings, shooting a surprised glance at the empty locker that Peter would usually be awkwardly standing at.

He isn't in his English class, either. She's unnecessarily fretting about New York's biggest superhero and she tunes out of Mrs. Ritter's lecture.

He's not at Chemistry.

Her stomach is lugging this heavy feeling around with her everywhere she goes and she reached into her pocket –_ twice – _to call Peter before getting a hold of herself.

She has free track next and she's out on the field. The weather is especially windy today and it's the perfect atmosphere to read a book.

Her eyes move rapidly from word to word and her mouth quirks upwards at some lines and tips downwards at others. Time passes by and the speed of her eye movements slow down to a stop. She's distracted: she knows she's being watched.

Her eyes trail up from her book to the field, past the hockey players and to that awkward teenager with the battered jacket. _Peter._ She knows he's watching her.

He is exactly the same, which isn't saying much as she's seen him just a day ago, but Peter Parker was still Peter Parker with his adorably tousled hair and his ever-twitching fingers always fiddling with his camera. She can see his skateboard strapped to his backpack and can almost sense that he's going to ride away from it (and from her) in the span of a second.

She misses the way he thinks she can't see him when he snaps a picture of her (who wouldn't miss the blinding light?) but he's become so wary nowadays that he doesn't even aim the camera lens at her.

Her eyes travel further and further up until they get caught up in the whirlwind of blue – his eyes.

Her heart jumps into her throat at the sudden excitement…

… and out of her body as her eyes trail from her man – _her_ man – to the person next to him.

Mary Jane Watson.

Jealousy shoots up and fills her body, hot and fast, like boiling water. Her eyes narrow as she sees Peter's body turn towards Mary Jane and sees her flip her hair and put an arm on his shoulder.

Her eyes become blurry as he embraces the figure and she gets up and leaves.

She doesn't notice a pair of eyes following her hasty retreat.

* * *

The next day at school might have been the worst ever. There's a fresh piece of gossip about that Parker boy and Mary Jane Watson getting together.

She's in English class and she notices that the two of them are sitting together, Mary Jane looking much more interested than Peter is. To her utter horror, she realizes the only seat left (she's usually not this late to class, but she couldn't come in early to see the lovebirds flirting today) is right in front of them. In front of Peter.

She sits down awkwardly and swallows as she catches wisps of their conversation. It makes her sick, the way Mary Jane doesn't know Peter like she does. It makes her sick when Mary Jane proposes that they go down to a really cute boutique she knows for a little shopping (Peter hates that) and at his refusal, suggests that they go to Oscorp to meet Mary Jane's friend. Peter hastily agrees to go to the boutique and Gwen knows he's looking at her.

They haven't talked about her father (they haven't talked much at all). Peter hasn't mentioned his promise made to her father and she refrains from thinking about her dad because it hurts too much to breathe when she does.

She catches herself thinking about him anyway.

Mrs. Ritter comes in and the class starts. Gwen almost throws up when the topic of discussion goes to character development and Mrs. Ritter mentions a specific type of character development: restraints.

"… such as expectations to live up to standards, or promises. Some restraints can really develop a character and the way they think. They also influence the characters around them. Anybody care to give an example of a character restraint?"

It is the first time ever Gwen doesn't raise her hand.

Neither Gwen nor Peter participate the whole class and she's sure the way everyone notices how teary-eyed she is when she rushes from the classroom at the end of the period.

She goes home early because she can't stand to be in school.

* * *

Flash is incredibly comforting when he wants to be. He hasn't fully forgiven her for embarrassing him that one time in front of the crowd after he beat up the "Parker idiot", but he claims that he can't do anything about it because he can't hit a girl. Gwen believes it might be because he has a heart.

Nobody knows the whole story of what happened between her and Peter, and Flash is definitely no exception. He's trying to make do with all the bits and pieces of information but all he's gathered from her is that Peter's too scared of commitment. She doesn't know to what extent that is true.

Study sessions are quite a joy to both parties. He tells her a lot about what's going on with his life (this new freshman is his new chew toy) and she tells him what's going on with hers (she's thinking of taking an internship at her aunt's hospital). It's usually at her place because his has too many clothes on the floor and she can't fit into the room without gagging on the smell.

He's splayed out on her bed (she's given up on trying to convince him to stay off it) and he's absently flicking through the pages of his Chemistry book.

She glances at him from her position on her table. "Flash, do you understand the difference between the four different sub-shells of an atom yet?"

His answer was less than convincing: "Um, yeah." There's something offsetting about his answer because he's usually more focused than this and tries his hardest. He wants to be in the military and he has to maintain at least a C average. So, she asks him what's wrong.

He's fiddling with her pink bear that her brothers had got her for Christmas and he sets it down before turning to Gwen.

"Mary Jane's dating that Parker boy."

Gwen swallows. "I'm aware…" She stares at him expectantly and he squirms a little under her gaze.

"And…" he hesitates. "I don't want her to. I – I mean, she's pretty, and Parker's not, and she deserves a real man, not him, and she's _really_ pretty, so I don't know what he sees in him, and yeah."

Gwen ignores his jabs at Peter because a smile is forming on her face. Flash likes Mary Jane.

"Flash," she teases. "You like her, don't you?"

He vehemently denies it before his spluttering came to a stop at her knowing look. He glares at her. "I thought you'd be upset over this. I thought Parker was your guy."

"He's not exactly _mine…"_

"He's been yours since kindergarten when he threatened to beat me up for pulling your ponytail."

She laughs at the memory; she was the one that ended up kicking Flash (he was called Eugene then) for punching Peter.

He gives her a half-smile before he's back to fiddling with her teddy. "I just don't like it. At all."

She closes her eyes for a brief second before she turns back to her desktop computer. She fiddles with her mouse for a second before opening her mouth. "Sometimes, things aren't meant to be, you know? And you can't do anything about it. You've just got to let go." Flash doesn't look too impressed, and she ploughs on. "But some things… They're supposed to happen and you know they're supposed to happen. You just do. You've got to give it your all and when there's nothing left to give, it'll happen if it's meant to be. Just wait and see, you'll end up with someone who loves you for who you are."

He gets up abruptly and walks over to her. He pulls her into a hug and he murmurs in her ear that Parker will come back to her and she's suddenly crying.

They're like that for a while before she gently pulls away and kisses his cheek. He blushes and then threatens to beat her up if she tells anyone he's blushed. She laughs and promises not to tell.

Gwen suspects that she sees a swish at her window but when she turns, there's nobody. But she knows he's been there and the despair comes back, hard and fast. She cuts the tutoring short.

They go home, neither of them feeling better, but feeling better knowing that they weren't the only one's feeling depressed.

Gwen keeps promising herself that things are about to improve while she sits at her balcony and waits for the man in a spandex to come and sweep her off her feet. It never happens.

* * *

_Gwen's dreams are always fitful, and this one's no exception._

_He's fighting the Green Goblin and she's screaming because Spiderman's about to lose and she sees the Green Goblin slash at his chest._

_She feels sick._

_The action is coming closer and closer to her and she's frightened. Just as the Green Goblin reaches for her – _

_– she's whisked away by Spiderman. Her hands reach forward and touch his face, but the second she feels the rough texture of his mask under her skin she's dropped.  
_

_She's freefalling hundreds and thousands of feet and in the distance she can see Spiderman holding Mary Jane close, kissing Mary Jane, saving Mary Jane and it's like she's forgotten._

_He turns his head towards her one last time and yells out: "I'm not breaking the promise."_

_She's crying as he continues. "Stay away from me. Never talk to me again."_

_She knows she's about to hit the bottom…_

_"Never again, Gwen!"_

_" – Peter!" Her hands are reaching towards him desperately and her eyes are wide and tear-filled but he doesn't notice because he's swung off into the distance with Mary Jane in his arms._

_She can't help but notice that it was supposed to be the two of them flying off together before she hears a dull thud._

She's awake, screaming and crying. Her mother is out with her brothers at their grandmother's, so she's here alone.

She doesn't want to be alone.


	2. Peter

**I own absolutely no part of Spiderman.**

Peter feels like an utter jerk. And creep. He's outside her balcony once again and he swears it's just to look out for her but really, it's because he misses her. He misses her and he inwardly curses her father for making them stay apart.

He wants to go in there, and never more than now.

He's pained, watching her thrash and writhe in agony, trapped in the clutches of her dreams. He's no stranger to that feeling. He knows how it's like to have nightmares about deaths and broken promises and could-have-been scenarios. The last one's especially painful. He's thinking about what could have been if his parents were alive, if Uncle Ben were alive, if the Captain were alive, if the Lizard weren't Dr. Connors, if he hadn't made that stupid promise, if he could still hold Gwen, love Gwen, be with Gwen…

He's suffering, too.

He knows he's hurting her. He can see the way she hurts when he's around MJ. He doesn't love MJ the way he loves Gwen. MJ's hair is red. Red. He's a blonde type of guy. He likes when Gwen's too smart for her own good and the way she doesn't laugh at him when he starts babbling about the newest scientific discovery he'd just found because she loves it too. He likes the way she smiles and laughs and tucks her hair behind her ears and how he can read her like a book because she has the biggest and most expressive eyes ever.

She's still writhing and he'd give anything to look into her eyes.

His breath is stilled as she suddenly arches up from the bed and screams, the type of scream that rips his heart out.

He hates himself for doing this, but he whisks himself away as her tear-stained and utterly broken face turns towards the balcony.

He's worn out the next day at school.

He wants to blame the criminals from last night for being so tolling on Spiderman but he knows it's also attributed to Gwen's bloodcurdling screams.

He couldn't sleep last night.

He's at his locker when Mary Jane slides up to him and wraps an arm around his shoulder. Part of him is internally purring from all the attention and the bigger part of him wishes that it's Gwen he's holding.

He leans down and kisses her anyway.

He feels sick to his stomach when he hears Gwen's sharp intake of breath, easy to hear as her locker is not far from his. What makes him feel sick is that her pain reassures him that she still loves him and for now, that's enough.

He catches himself thinking these stupid words and he realizes: _Peter Parker will never be good enough for Gwen Stacy._

So, he's with Mary Jane.

He feels terrible for badmouthing her, he really does. He just can't seem to stop comparing any girl to Gwen Stacy.

He trudges off to class, sulking, Mary Jane in one hand and the skateboard in the other.

He spots her immediately at her place by the window. Her fingers were unconsciously twirling her hair and she was so preoccupied in her book that he bet that if he took a picture, she wouldn't realize.

He's tempted to take out his camera, but Mary Jane drags him to their respective seats.

Dialogue is awkward between him and MJ. He supposes it should be attributed to the fact that he is probably the most awkward teenage boy ever. But with Gwen, the awkwardness seems so natural that it's not awkward anymore.

He mentally slaps himself for thinking about her again.

He's discreetly watching Gwen out of the corner of his eye the whole class, and Ms. Ritter decides to put them into groups.

It's when she groups Peter, MJ, Gwen and some guy named Harry together that it clicks with Peter that the heavens probably hate him.

He thinks he hears Gwen curse her luck, too.

They float towards the library.

It's just a whirlwind of tension, this discussion. Gwen's hostile towards Mary Jane and Mary Jane is hostile towards Gwen and Gwen's hostile towards Peter who probably is looking at Gwen with a lost puppy expression and Harry's just confused.

Character development had never been more realistic than now, Peter's surmised.

MJ's putting on a show in front of Gwen just to irk her: holding Peter's hand and resting her head on his shoulder. When Gwen turns away for the slightest second, he shrugs her head off and rolls his shoulder to tell MJ that his shoulder's hurting. He doesn't want Gwen to worry. MJ understands.

That's one thing about MJ that he prefers. She doesn't really care about him so it's much easier to keep her out of all the Spiderman drama. It doesn't take effort and he doesn't feel like a jerk when he leaves her in the middle of their date because of some new emergency.

The group discussion is stale as ever and things are progressing really slowly. Peter observes Harry, and to his shock, notices that Harry seems to be eying Gwen.

Peter's jaw clenches.

Then, he turns to MJ who's looking quite occupied with the other side of the library, where Flash and his group were sitting. Flash is looking at his girlfriend.

Then he turns towards Gwen and realizes that she has her head ducked down and refuses to look at him.

His love life sucks.

So, he nudges MJ, glares at Harry and asks Gwen if she needs help. (Of course, she doesn't, and she tells him she doesn't. He swallows roughly.)

Flash is sauntering towards the group and Peter just feels like crawling under the table and dying there. He supposes this might not be the best attitude for Spiderman to adopt.

Flash smiles at MJ before turning towards Gwen. He pulls up a chair and grabs Gwen's work. Peter goes into protective mode before hearing Gwen's colorful laughter as she playfully punches the bully and snatches her work back.

Peter's throat is feeling dry and he licks his lips a little. He's really not comfortable with their interaction.

He feels MJ tense up under his arm and realizes she's looking at them the same way he is: with envy.

Flash and Gwen's talking develops into deeper and deeper conversations before Peter, feeling extremely angry and a little betrayed, cut them off.

"Gwen, I hate to interrupt, but we have work." Then, his insecurities and Peter social skills come into play and he tries to amend. "I – I mean, I know you've been working… and all… but, um, yeah. I wanted to… uh, know if you wanted help… and you don't, so cool, so yeah."

Flash is kind of smirking at him and Gwen looks slightly peeved.

She responds: "I don't need help, to be quite honest. Very capable of handling things on my own." Peter's blushing but she continues ruthlessly. "I mean, sure. Did I want help earlier when I wasn't feeling so great and I needed someone? Yeah. But sometimes, they're not here for you because of some half-baked promise made to someone about commitment and they just don't get that you've been hurting so I think I'll just finish this on my own, thanks."

Everyone is thoroughly confused (but then again, this Harry boy always is) so Peter gently grabs Gwen by the arm and pulls her out of the library.

He's looking at her with confused eyes, and he hesitantly asks her what's wrong.

She blows up in his face then, a mixture of tears, yelling and hand motions.

"I trusted you, Peter! I trusted you and I thought you'd always there for me but when I need you most you're not. You're not. You can't just do this to me. You think you're trying to help me but you're not and I've never felt so alone before. My dad's died, Peter. He's dead and the one person I need is gone. You can't just leave me and then constantly tease me. I saw you, Peter. On my balcony that one night with Flash." Peter blushes at being caught, but focuses on her breaking eyes. "You can't just be halfway. You can't have me if I can't have you. I can't cope with this, Peter. I can't. How am I supposed to cope? Tell me! Is this what you wanted? Are you happy now? I hope you are, Peter. At least one of us will be." She's calmed down and he's standing in shock, absorbing her words. She wipes her tears before stepping away from him and away from the library. He watches her go before sighing and walking towards his locker, ready to go home.

He doesn't know what's happening in the library but he's sure he'll be receiving a text from MJ saying that they're over because she's found someone new (Flash).

* * *

They don't talk for the longest time and his suspicions about MJ and Flash are confirmed. With nothing really left for him, he focuses on living through his alter ego.

Crime has decreased by exponential levels since the introduction of Spiderman. Peter is happy that he's good for at least one thing.

He'd give up the webs and the mask for Gwen, though. He wishes the spider didn't bite him. So much.

It's this particular day that's very different for him because he hasn't heard Gwen's voice in over two weeks but as he's swinging through the streets of New York, he notices that blonde ponytail walking alone on the streets at night.

He secretly follows her and waits until she gets home. She's supposed to take a right here to reach her building but he sees her hesitate before turning in another direction, leading her to a small alley. She makes a move to enter the building but suddenly she freezes because she senses someone's following her.

Peter is still, too.

His senses are heightened as he's focused on Gwen. She's stiffening and she's shaking – she's scared.

There's a funny cackling in the background and both of them whip their heads to try and see who it is.

Neither of them can.

They both stay still for a while, Gwen with one foot inside the building while peering suspiciously outside and Spiderman glued to the side of the building.

There is an eerie silence.

Then: laughter.

They both see him at the same time – The Green Goblin.

He's speeding towards Gwen at an alarming rate and she's too shocked and scared to do anything – one second and she's hoisted up onto his hover board. He's holding her so carelessly that Peter's sure her neck's going to snap.

Spiderman is right behind them but the Green Goblin is giving him a good chase. Spiderman swings higher and higher up and he can finally see where the Green Goblin is heading towards – Oscorp.

Peter is sick to the stomach. He guesses that Gwen might be, too.

Upon landing, Gwen is thrown roughly onto the ground and Peter's face blanches when he suspects she's hit her head on something. He's just rushing towards her when the Green Goblin intercepts, grabbing Spiderman by the neck.

"I've found you and your pretty girlfriend. Give it up, Spiderman. There's nothing left."

Spiderman's quick to use his webbing but the Green Goblin is sidestepping all of his shots and Peter's resorted to pulling at the Green Goblin's fingers which are currently occupied with choking his neck.

He escapes with a swift kick to the Green Goblin's stomach and he's fighting like he's never fought before. His adrenaline is suddenly running low and he can feel the blood seep up and cling to his Spider suit.

His movements are getting sloppier and sloppier and suddenly he finds himself on the ground, air knocked out of him.

"Give it up, Spiderman. There's nothing left. I've found you and your pretty girlfriend. I'm going to kill you and your pretty girlfriend. I'm going to kill her."

The Green Goblin is suddenly holding Gwen by the neck. She is unconscious in his grip and Peter is watching with absolute horror.

_Not like this, not like this…_

In Oscorp, where her father died, where he made the promise to keep her safe, where she's going to die.

There's something that snaps inside of him. He'd do anything to look into her eyes, hear her laugh, hear her off-tune singing, feel her blonde hair, feel her lips and body against his…

She's what keeps him going.

He needs her as much as she needs him.

Spiderman is suddenly stronger than he's ever been before. He's moving towards the Green Goblin and quick and accurate web shots to the Goblin's face has him distracted while he pulls Gwen out of his clutches and into safety.

Spiderman lays her down carefully and he's back to the Goblin. Something's weak about the Goblin this time around, or perhaps something's strong about him. In either case, it isn't hard defeating the Goblin and although he hasn't won, he lets the Goblin flee into the night.

He tucks Gwen lovingly in his arms and swings back to her house. He tucks her in and kisses her forehead, with a soft smile, switches off the lights.

He's never been more at peace.

* * *

Gwen wakes up suddenly, startled. He watches her as her eyes dart around the room, chest heaving. Her eyes finally catch his and he sees her calm down a little.

He's sitting on her chair, chin resting on his palm. He's changed out of his Spiderman suit and into his usual rugged shirt, jeans and hoodie combination.

She looks exhausted. Her eyes had black circles around them and were slowly drooping. She looked extremely pale (more than usual) and he suspected it might have been because of the concussion.

He's done her best to patch her up, but he's never been as good at first aid as Gwen had. He hopes she'll patch him up later.

They both inspect each other for a while before Gwen breaks the silence. "What…?"

"Green Goblin. Don't worry; I, ah… took care of him." He gave her his usual crooked smile.

"Time?"

"Three in the morning. You should probably sleep." He looks at her expectantly but she doesn't move.

Her eyes softened. "Peter… are you okay?"

He rubs the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed. "Yeah, I'm fine. Bit roughed up but it's no big deal."

Her breath hitches as she inspects him for a while. "Thank you," she finally whispers, her eyes still fixed on his.

He gets up and sits on the edge of her bed. He smiles at her, sincerely, purely, like a man in love.

He suddenly looks down and fiddles with his fingers. "Gwen, you were in so much trouble."

He hears her groan and lie back down, looking at the ceiling. "If you're going to leave, do it now. Please."

"I wasn't Gwen…"

She lifts herself up onto her elbows.

He's back to fiddling with his fingers as he begins to mumble out an apology. "I was stupid… but I – I really wanted to do the right thing… and I didn't, but that was obvious to you, but not to me. And then there was MJ and she wasn't you but she was someone but I wanted it to be you. And you – you were so sad and I felt so terrible, you know? A-and I didn't know what to do and then you said those stuff o-outside the library and then I was confused. And then there was the Green Goblin and I realized I couldn't live without you and – "

He found himself with an armful of Gwen and he hugged her closer.

She rested her head on his chest and fiddled with the zipper to his jacked. "I've always loved you, you know?" she whispered.

He froze for a second before pressing his lips to the top of her head. "I – I love you too, Gwen. And also I'm super sorry."

She pulls away and looks into his eyes, still half tucked into him. "Please don't leave me again…"

He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "Never again. I promise."

And they sealed it with a kiss.


End file.
